Therapy...

I was going to throw this up on Facebook today, and then realized that I have a very neglected blog that I have been wanting to start posting to more often. Hopefully more than once in 6 1/2 years. UGH! Can't believe it's been that long.

So, I had a very rewarding "therapy session" in my Creative Space this morning.

A few months ago, I had a day where I was certain my entire world was falling apart. There were things going through my head that were so very painful, I could barely stand it. I had to get them out.
I wrote them down in my art journal. In black Sharpie. It was not easy to write them, to have all that pain right there in front of me, staring me in the face.

I took an online art journaling class a while back, and one of the lessons was to scribble your deepest thoughts and feelings on your page. Get it out, let it go. Then cover it up with layers and color and creativity. That was my plan when I wrote in my art journal that day, with a black Sharpie marker.
I finally came back to it today, I was ready to take it on. Because in that few months, I have learned some things.

That day, I felt like my whole world was crashing around me. I have realized it really wasn't my whole world. It was only a part, a big part, but just one part. I had so many other things in my life, ones that I am so grateful for. I have 3 children that make my heart glow with pride just to know them and have them in my life. I have a job I really enjoy, work for a great company and with the best team of people I could imagine. I live in the Black Hills of South Dakota! I have wonderful friends, new and old and memories with them that I will hold dear the rest of my life. I have a cozy home that I love and recently, have a Creative Space that makes me so happy to be in. Those are just a few of the biggies.

The truth is, there are so many good things in my life. Yeah, this was crappy. Crappy stuff happens to all of us. The question is....what are we going to do with it?

I could have kept those thoughts, hung on to them, wishing that this wasn't happening to me. I've learned that when you keep hating what's happening and basically wishing it hadn't happened...it's on your mind constantly. Every still moment, it comes to haunt you...and hurt you, break your heart all over again. It's miserable. These days, I don't have time for misery. I have had my share through this life. I have done a fine job of wallowing in all that misery. For years and years and...years.

I have finally realized this is MY life. I am responsible for it. No one else can live it for me or make my decisions. No one else is responsible for my happiness. I get to CHOOSE. If I'm tired of the misery, I have to CHOOSE happiness. I can't stop crappy things from happening...it's part of life's roller coaster. But I can choose to either keep looking back at the crap and let it make me feel miserable, or I can choose to accept what's happened, look for the lesson and then turn around and move forward with that knowledge. Use it to make better choices, use it to make a better life. And cling to all the things I am so grateful for and bring me joy.

Why do we choose misery over joy? I don't have an answer for that. I did it for most of my life.  I know people tried telling me I could choose to be happy, that my happiness was my responsibility. I just couldn't "get it", it just didn't sink in. Yet, it is so simple. (Not to be confused with "easy", cause some days it's not easy.)

Funny thing is, I learned this lesson from the crap. Did the crap suck? Absolutely! But, without that crap, and that lesson. I would still be choosing to wallow in the misery.

We can learn something from everything that happens in our lives. The good, bad and ugly. There is something to be learned, about ourselves and this life we are living. We just have to look for it. Know it's there and find it. Use it. Every lesson is another tool to use to make tomorrow a better day.

There inevitably will be more crap in my future. But instead of dreading it (and bringing in more misery) I know that whatever it is, I will be just fine. Just like every crappy time I've made it through before. How many times did I go though something I thought was the worst thing I had ever been through? The pain, the misery...thought it would be the end of me and life would never be the same. Well, it never was the same. I found the lesson, I moved forward and life got better. Every. Single. Time. No more will I be fooled by all that "misery" talk. It's B.S. I have proved it time after time.

Some days, I feel so strong and certain I will be okay no matter what comes my way, I find myself getting a little too big for my britches, and I'm like some crazy from a Sci-fi movie that is up against a gigantic mutated insect, yelling "Oh yeah!? You want some of this?! Come and get it...give me your best shot!!"   Thankfully, I am able to come to my senses and grab me by the short hairs and drag me back to reality and ask myself..."Are you freaking crazy???!!! You don't invite that crap IN!"

But seriously, when I look at all of the knowledge that I have collected from all of those life lessons, things start looking clearer, When I see clearer, fear starts to fade. I have no idea what's around the corner, but I know I will be able to handle it, I will learn something new that will make life better and clearer still. (now watch me get hit by a stray meteor or something tonight...haha)

And, that is where this set of art journal pages came from.

Knowledge...even if it comes from pain is empowering and invigorating

I will continue to look for the lessons in the good and the bad. I plan on learning until the day I die. 

Hopefully I will be playing with paper and ink/paint until then, too. 

I know this got a little long, but hey...it's been over 6 years since I last posted! 

Love and Hugs to everyone,

StayC